


Self-Destructing

by celticheart72



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Anal Sex, Complete, Dubious Consent, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Nudity, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-18 19:21:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21281945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celticheart72/pseuds/celticheart72
Summary: Lee Toric is high and fixated on a release while his girlfriend reflects on their relationship and worries over his self-destruction.
Relationships: Lee Toric/Reader
Kudos: 7





	Self-Destructing

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: mentions of drug use and paraphernalia; nudity; vaginal, oral, and anal sex; dub con elements; refusal to use a condom
> 
> Thank you to benicioqueen and ivy475 for beta reading this one for me!

It had been a long few days and Lee was still off doing whatever it was with the feds that he was doing to try to get to the bottom of Pamela’s murder. You had been staying with his niece and nephew during the day while his mother and Pamela’s husband made funeral arrangements. Then after the funeral to help lighten their load so they could figure out how life was supposed to move forward. Unfortunately, you only had a few more days left and you were starting to feel totally alone.

Lee had been more distant than usual. 

Some of which you understood. But ever since he was forced into retirement from the US Marshal’s office his bad habits had been getting worse and you were worried about him. You felt him slipping away from you and it was breaking your heart.

When you pushed the motel room door open you found him lying on the bed, a tourniquet loose on his arm, and needle still in his hand.

“Babe,” his voice was quiet and you could tell by the look on his face he was just starting down his trip. 

His heroin addiction had been a source of many of your fights. 

He wasn’t always like this. Oh, the brutality and his belief in retribution had been there since day one. The addictions and other things you had been overlooking because you loved him were not. At least, you didn’t think they were.

“I’m going to take a shower, Lee. If you’re semi with it when I get out we should order something for dinner.”

All you got in response was a soft humming sound.

Shaking your head you grabbed your t-shirt and sleep shorts from your bag along with a clean pair of panties. The needle had dropped out of his hand by the time you made it to the bathroom door. You took your time in the shower, hoping he’d be a modicum of functional when you got out. 

To be honest, you hated seeing him this way. It was killing you to watch him slowly destroy himself. He wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination but you did love him.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you couldn’t help but notice the bags under your eyes. They were also red and puffy from crying and your nose was red too. The steam helped a little bit but you needed a week’s worth of sleep. Where Lee’s focus had been pursuing revenge against the MC he believed responsible for Pamela’s murder you had been spending all of your time helping his family.

You opened the door to the soft sound of music. When you walked into the room Lee was naked and dancing up against the mirrors on the closet doors. Sighing heavily, you walked over to the nightstand and turned off the radio.

He straightened with an audible intake of breath and looked at your reflection in the mirror. You could see his erection very clearly as he took a step back.

“C’mere, babe.” He reached a hand out and beckoned you to him. 

You’d never been afraid of him, even when he was high, because he’d never hurt you. But, you were well aware that could change in an instant. Setting your dirty clothes on top of your bag you turned and walked over to where he waited. 

When you were standing in front of him he just stared intently at you for a few seconds before putting his hands on your hips. He took a step closer putting you within a hair's breadth of your bodies touching and started to sway like the music was still playing.

You wished you could say it wasn’t erotic but you’d be lying. 

His hands slid around to run over the fabric covering your ass cheeks as he took a deep breath and moved forward again to press his hard cock into your pubic bone. 

“Lee…”

“Shhhhhhhh…” He lifted a finger to his mouth and closed his eyes while he slowly thrust his hips a few times.

Sometimes the heroin gave him a hard-on that would last for hours but he couldn’t cum. He’d be intensely turned on and the sex, when you couldn’t help yourself and gave in, would be extremely erotic, a little naughty, and often pushed your limits. Thankfully you had lube in your bag because occasionally he outlasted your natural lubrication.

You whimpered when his hand returned to your hip and he pulled you harder into him while he thrust again then stilled. He sighed while his head dropped back. His body shivered and he groaned. It was almost like he was feeling the euphoria of an orgasm without actually having one. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and turned you around to face the mirror while he walked you forward until you were maybe two feet from it.

His chin rested on your shoulder and his beard tickled the soft flesh of your neck while he spoke quietly. “Brace your hands on the mirror.”

Your heart hammered in your chest and you flicked your eyes over to his briefly. His pupils were constricted and he was watching you intently. You turned your gaze back to the mirror in front of you and lifted your arms to place your palms flat on it. He moved into you from behind until his cock was nestled in the cleft of your ass.

You had to bite your bottom lip to keep from making any noise when he started gently thrusting his hips against your ass. Your eyes drifted closed as you felt your panties soak with your arousal. 

Once Lee’s bad habits really started to get the better of him your sex life when he was sober suffered for it. You hated that Lee turned you on like this when he was high, but there it was. 

“Open your eyes, look at us.”

His left hand slid up your arm as your eyes opened and he laid his palm over the back of your hand. Lee’s other hand ghosted over the fabric of your t-shirt until he had his palm laying over the hem.

“Lee, what are you doing?” Your voice was breathy and you couldn’t contain the gasp that escaped as his fingers lightly traced the skin under the hem.

“Making you feel good, babe.” He ground his cock into you from behind and nipped your earlobe. His hot breath sent shivers over your cool skin. “Doesn’t this feel good?”

You whimpered again as those fingers started dragging your t-shirt up until he pulled it over one breast and palmed it. “Yes...it does.”

His eyes watched you in the mirror as he kissed the sensitive spot at the junction of your neck and shoulder and his fingers rolled your nipple between them. 

When your eyes drifted closed again he pinched your nipple hard enough to make you cry out. Your eyes flew open to look at him in the mirror and he bit down on the flesh under his mouth. “Don’t close your eyes.”

The sting of his pinch was soothed away by the pad of his thumb and his tongue soothed the bite. He played with that breast until your nipple was so sensitive it was aching before he brought your t-shirt up over the other one and did the same thing. All the while his hips either thrust into your backside or he ground his cock into you. 

Your entire body was on fire and tingling by the time his fingers brushed over your skin and started their way down to your belly button. 

“Are you wet?” His fingers lightly danced over your abdomen and you felt your pussy quivering in anticipation. You knew what he was going to do.

“Yes.”

“Let’s see how wet my dirty girl is.” Lee’s hand slid under the waistband of your shorts and panties until his fingers came to your very soaked clit and pussy lips. “Mmmmmmmmm, you’re soaked.” His eyes met yours in the mirror as his hand slipped from your panties and he brought one of his fingers up to trace your bottom lip.

Opening your mouth you reached the tip of your tongue out to lick his finger. Your own arousal wasn’t exactly your favorite thing in the world but it really turned him on when he got you to taste yourself so you went along with it. His eyes closed briefly while he groaned and his hips rocked.

You sucked on his finger which prompted another groan before his eyes flew open and focused on the front of your shorts. He pulled his finger from your mouth with a wet pop and slid it back down into your panties. Three of his fingers started strumming your clit and pussy lips, lightly at first then faster and faster until you were fighting to stay on your feet and pressing your ass back into his cock. 

“Like that?” He whispered into your ear and ran his tongue over the top of it.

“Oh God, Lee. Yeeeeesssss…” You whined while your pussy started to quiver and felt like a thousand little electric sparks all firing at once.

“Look in the mirror. Watch yourself cum.”

Swallowing hard you did as you were told and watched your face. Your mouth was hanging open in the shape of an O and your eyes were wide while your entire body shook. You thought you looked frantic. The muscles of your abdomen pulled down hard from your belly button and you had to fight to stay on your feet to avoid taking you both to the floor. 

You dropped your head as the last waves of your orgasm rolled over you and took a deep breath. When you looked at Lee’s face his expression was predatory and you felt like you were about to be pounced on. He growled under his breath and both of his hands went to your hips and started yanking your shorts and panties down. 

Your shorts dropped to your knees and you kicked them off but Lee was getting frustrated with your panties and wound up ripping them. You started to try to help him but he roughly pulled your hand away and put it back on the mirror. It wasn’t the first time he’d ripped a pair of your panties off. Usually, it was a turn-on when Lee was sober, but when he was high it was simply frustrating.

“Damnit Lee, just let me help.”

He finally ripped through one side and dropped them to the floor. Almost in the same instant he bent his knees slightly and was thrusting up into you.

“Oh god!!!” You cried out and had to stand up on your toes. When he fucked you from behind like that he was rough and it felt like he was stretching you too far. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel good once you had a few seconds to adjust but you didn’t always get that. You reached back to tap his hip while he thrust fast and hard. “Lee! Damnit, you forgot the condom.”

“Fuck the condom,” he growled and laced his fingers with yours against the mirror holding you there.

Every stroke of his cock in your pussy felt like wildfire burning through you and you felt the quivering starting again. He stepped forward, forcing you closer to the mirror until your breasts were pressed into it and you had to turn your head to the side while he fucked you against it. The sound of his hips hitting your ass and you bouncing against the mirror filled your ears. You had the fleeting thought that you should feel a little dirty about being fucked against a mirror like that but you let it go. Lee’s cock was hitting your g spot with every hard thrust and your body responded by exploding around him.

You moaned out his name and felt yourself go limp against the cold glass while he chased an orgasm that he likely wasn’t going to get until he’d mostly slept off his high. After a few minutes he started to lose momentum and you were able to push back against him to get away from the mirror. He nuzzled your neck and stumbled back, falling onto the bed where you were finally able to get off of him. 

“Love you, babe…” He mumbled as his mouth dropped open and he started lightly snoring.

Lee must really be out of it, you thought to yourself. I love you’s weren’t something you heard often from the man.

Sighing you shook your head and stood on shaky legs. “I love you too.”

By that point, you were starved so you decided to get dressed and run out to grab some food. When he finally woke up he was going to be starved as well and it would be too late to really chase anything but junk down. When you got back to the room an hour later he was still in the same place snoring away. 

Reaching out a hand, you brushed his silky auburn hair from his face. God did you ever love his long hair and beard. Your fingers played in his beard for a minute and you leaned down to kiss him. Tears pooled in the corner of your eyes when you caught sight of the needle that had fallen on the floor earlier. He was going down a dark path that you didn’t know how to steer him away from and you were so afraid of losing him.

The needle would stay where it was. So would his stash of drugs. He knew you wouldn’t touch either of them.

You sat at the table and ate your sandwich and chips while thinking over your turbulent relationship with Lee Toric. There was no doubt you still loved the man but you didn’t see eye to eye very often anymore. It felt like things were nearing their natural end but you just weren’t ready for that yet.

He was still asleep an hour later so you put away the food and got ready for bed.

With the way he was laying across the bed his head was resting against your stomach when you crawled into it. Your hand shook as it reached down into his hair and let the soft strands run through your fingers. You fell asleep with tears soaking your pillow and your hand resting on the side of his face.

It was still dark when you woke up to Lee snuggled up behind you with his hand inside your panties. His fingers were running light circles over your clit and you were wet and aching for him. Rolling to your back you started to open your mouth to say something but he leaned over and kissed you at the same time his fingers slid further between your pussy lips and inside of you. When you moaned into his mouth he added a second finger to the first and used the pad of his thumb to roughly brush over your clit. 

You almost felt like he was desperate for you to cum so he could feel it. His hips rocked against yours in time to the thrusting of his fingers and movement of his thumb. When your body started spasming on his fingers he pulled them out of you and yanked the fabric of your panties aside. He moved over you so fast you barely had time to register what was happening before his cock was inside of you and he was snapping his hips hard and fast. 

Lee still had his hand between you, holding onto your panties and you reached down and pulled it over to your clit. Your eyes drifted closed and you focused on the feeling of him moving inside of you. His hips rocked and his finger held your clit open so every time his wet skin slid over yours that sensitive bundle of nerves was stimulated. It was a Catch 22. While it felt incredibly good, if he kept up like that you’d get to the point that you were so oversensitive it would either hurt or you wouldn’t feel anything at all.

In that moment though, it felt so good you never wanted it to end. 

He started making frustrated grunts and you knew he was still not anywhere close to cumming. 

You were just about to fall over the edge when he growled and pulled out of you.

Sucking in a breath you opened your eyes to find him getting up from the bed and walking to the bathroom. You heard the toilet seat smack against the tank and a few seconds later the sound of him pissing.

The sound of his sigh was almost a slight moan when he was done. He’d probably stand there and stroke himself for a few minutes before he came back to bed still frustrated that he couldn’t get off. 

“Where’s your lube?” The sound of his voice so close startled you, you hadn’t even realized your eyes drifted closed. 

Opening your eyes you searched out your bag in the darkness. Pointing at it you looked back up at Lee who was looming over you with his cock in his hand. “It’s in the side pocket facing us.”

Your eyes drifted closed again when you saw he found what he was looking for. You didn’t need to watch him jacking off. Under normal circumstances you’d find it sexy to watch him getting himself off, just like he liked watching you. When he was like this though, it just wasn’t. Simply because you knew he wasn’t going to find what he was looking for until he was sober if even then. 

The sounds of his hand jerking his cock drifted to your ears along with his frustrated grunts.

“Lee?”

He just grunted out a non-committal hum.

“Come here, baby.” You sat up, pulled your t-shirt off, and tossed it to the floor. 

His blue eyes focused on the patch of hair between your legs when you pulled off your panties as he walked toward you and continued to stroke his cock. You pulled him down on the bed and shifted so you could straddle his thighs. Pushing up on your knees you guided him between your pussy lips and sucked in a breath when his swollen head grazed your clit. Once you had him at your entrance you sunk down on him until he was buried to his balls in you. He’d used so much lube that he was almost slicker than you were.

You rocked your hips slowly and he seemed mesmerized by the way your breasts gently bounced with your movements. Reaching down you grabbed his hands and brought them up to cup them. He just held his hands there, barely hovering so that the skin of his palms brushed your nipples as you moved. The sensation made them buzz and shot tingling sensations right to your clit.

Your hips rocked a little faster, chasing the orgasm you were denied earlier, and his hands gripped your breasts, kneading them roughly. You pushed down until his arms were bent and you could kiss him. His tongue darted out to dance with yours and you whimpered in his mouth when you shifted your hips so his skin would drag over your clit again. He started thrusting his hips then, and when he brought his knees up the sharp hard thrust made you cry out. 

His cock twitched inside of you when he did that and a low whine sounded from the back of his throat as your pussy started to clench down around him. 

He put his hands in your hair and held you to him while your pussy quivered around him and you mewled out your pleasure. 

You sat up when the last wave washed through you and his hands went to your hips to hold you still while he set a bruising pace with his own. After a few minutes he started to get frustrated again and he flipped you roughly to your back. Your body was soft around him but you were starting to feel the friction.

Finally, you grabbed his face and forced him to look at you. “Lee! You have to slow down.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” He stilled his hips and started kissing you then. First your lips, then your cheeks, over your jawline, and down your neck. 

Your body wasn’t going to respond right then no matter how sweet he was. “We need to take a break, baby.”

“Okay, okay,” he drew in a breath through his nose and rolled off you. 

You sort of followed him and lay on your stomach with your head resting on his shoulder and your hand on his chest. Your fingers traced the tattoos there and on his other arm then ran through his hair. He let out a soft sigh and his light snores followed soon after. You drifted off with your hand resting over his abdomen, not far from his still hard cock.

* * *

There was something wet on your ass and you vaguely felt Lee’s weight on your thighs. When you felt his fingers spreading what you were fairly certain was lube over your asshole you turned your head to look back at him. He looked tortured and determined. Like he was chasing something just out of his reach that he desperately needed.

“Lee!”

His blue eyes focused on yours and he looked like he’d taken something again. “Babe, come on. Please. I feel like I’ve got blue balls.”

You turned under him slightly and pushed up to look at him better. “You did that to yourself because you’re fucking high!”

“I know, I know.”

You’d been through this before. He’d cum if you had anal sex and then he could relax and would leave you alone for a little while. Rolling your eyes you knew you were going to acquiesce but he was going to give you something first. 

“Eat me first.”

Lee looked genuinely surprised. But then that wickedly handsome grin of his overtook his face and you melted. He backed off your thighs so you could roll over to your back and he pushed them out as far as he could before sliding back until he could reach his tongue out to your pussy. That tongue of his was genuinely magical. It never failed. You could be over-stimulated and think you couldn’t orgasm again but you would on his tongue. He flattened it and swiped up and down your lips until you felt yourself getting wet yet again. 

That tongue swirled around your lips and fucked your pussy until your hands were fisted in the sheets. You had your lips pressed together and eyes squeezed shut trying to keep from moaning at how good it felt already. Your hands went to your breasts and started kneading them and playing with your nipples. Two of his fingers slid into you while he sucked your clit into his mouth. Those fingers found your g spot and rubbed over it while his tongue flicked your clit. It wasn't too long before you were crying out his name as your pussy clenched down around his fingers and your hips bucked. You reached one hand down and ran your fingers into his hair while his tongue waggled between your lips.

Smiling he chuckled against you. "Hmmmmm...you like it when I make you cum on my tongue.”

“Yes Lee, yes. I do. You have an amazing tongue.” I just wish it wasn’t while you were high, you thought to yourself.

He pressed wet kisses to your thighs, up your abdomen over your belly button, and continued on until he was sucking a nipple into his mouth. His tongue flicked it until it was sensitive and erect then he moved to the other one. Lee’s hands continued kneading your breasts as he moved up to your lips and slipped his tongue into your mouth. You could smell as well as taste yourself on him and somehow it was highly arousing. 

“Grab one of the condoms,” you whispered to him.

Lee’s eyes lit up, you chose to believe it was because he knew what was coming and not because he was high. He got off the bed to grab one which you took from him when he came back to the bed and made sure you had the lube as well. Your fingers teased his length before you started to roll the condom on him. When it was in place you played with his balls for a few seconds and watched as his eyes rolled back. 

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and his eyes flew open. “Roll over.”

You did as he asked but handed the lube back to him. He squeezed more over your asshole and you felt him teasing it with a finger which he slipped inside. That prompted a startled squeak and you sucked in a breath when you felt him add more lube then his cockhead brushed over you. Letting out a breath, you relaxed as much as you could so when he pushed inside of your ass you felt full but it didn’t hurt. 

His left hand held your hip down as he pulled back slightly and moaned. “Oh God. Babe. Mmmfff...” Lee’s words were muffled in your shoulder. 

Your hands fisted in the sheets and your face buried in your pillow as he thrust into you slowly. You knew he was trying to be gentler than he normally was during anal sex. For once it actually felt good because he wasn’t trying to pound you.

“Oh God,” Lee was whimpering and making humming noises that you knew meant he was actually close to reaching his release. 

It only took a few more rolls of his hips for him to stiffen over you and start to groan. You felt his cock pulsing in your ass and his hips shook until he finally relaxed. His fingers brushed your hair aside and he kissed over your shoulder blade and up to your ear.

Lee’s warm breath and beard tickled your skin as his lips brushed your ear. “I love you, babe. I mean that.”

Maybe it was all the doubts and fears that had been building but you bit back a sob as he lifted off you and went to dispose of the condom. When he came back to bed he actually gathered you in his arms and held you close to him while he drifted off. 

You had no way of knowing those would be the last words you ever heard from him.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work kudos are appreciated. If you love it comments are wonderful. If you have constructive criticism or questions let's talk. If you leave blatantly rude or negative comments, know that no hate is allowed here and will be deleted. And if you read my work and are too shy to interact right now, know that's okay too.
> 
> Just a general A/N regarding all of my work: Please understand that I update when writing inspiration hits. I never intend on abandoning an unfinished fic, so know that if I do I'll eventually get back to it when inspiration strikes again.


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